Escaping the box we put ourselves in
‘So what do you do’? Whilst it isn’t necessarily true, we are broadly aware that this standard opening question at social gatherings is used to help categorise each-other by socio-economic status and interests. Most people i’ve noticed, answer with a vague, but elevated version of their profession, with a forced nod and sort of curt smile. ‘I work in banking, mostly private equity’. Every physiological component suggesting unwillingness to dive further in to what they do. Whether it’s imposter syndrome, boredom from a week invested in something they aren’t truly passionate about or not wanting to be categorised in to a small box, we won’t be sure till later in the conversation- if it continues. This opening question, I would say is most particularly damaging to the interesting among us. Those pursuing something new and non-traditional. Or paying their way through film school whilst they work double shifts.
If the incessant boxing was only due to other people at social gatherings I think the advice given could be fairly generic and forthright. Answer differently. ‘ I do many things. today i practised pottery. tomorrow I write poetry’. However, it is our own self categorisation that is so damaging.
Fuelled i’m sure by the drive for efficiency from industrial capitalism and factory work, our professions often require us to hyper-specialise. Specifically to specialise in to activities that are commercially minded. Division of labour allows us to produce cars, modern scale agriculture and architecture so it must be great right? I think the issue is not that it is inherently bad, but we have moved from using specialisation for economic activity to narrow self definitions that creep in to every area of our lives.
It has been well evidenced that ‘identity’ is the biggest driver of habit and behaviour change and yet we will self categorise ourselves as someone who is not only a certain profession, but also a certain character. Someone who has a nervous temperament or who is un-coordinated. Whilst there may be shards of truth in these statements i’m not sure what utility is generated by focusing on your two left feet when all you really want to do is learn to dance. It is incredibly unlikely you’ll need to learn to dance well enough to put on a show and sell tickets. So why focus on our shortcomings?
Engaging in a wide array of political views, cultural experiences, artistic endeavours will broaden your perspective, engage you more and maybe make you re think who you ‘are’.
So, next time someone asks ‘what do you do’ at a party, or you don’t engage with a particular activity because that isn’t who you are, you can remember the mantra ‘ i do whatever I like really’. And, try a different opener at your next post-covid cocktail party.
My favourite ? ‘ What have you been finding interesting lately? I’d love to learn something new’
Don’t box yourself in.
